So it has been a while since I last posted and lots have happened.
1. School is out for summer, which is a wonderful feeling! (I needed a good break!)
2, The LORD has been showing and teaching me a lot!
Okay, so maybe not a lot has happened but it sure has felt that way. I guess I'm thinking back to when I was in school and dealing with exams, which i can happily say I passed them all and raised my gpa a bit, which is always nice!
I cannot remember off the top of my head all the LORD has taught me, and shown me BUT I know he has because that is just how my Jesus is, and I remember, just not the details (I know, doesnt make sense but still...)
Okay, so what the LORD has taught me recently....
I am a person that has a hard time going to sleep. It doesn't matter if I go to sleep at a decent hour or if it is sometime in the early am, it takes me at least a good hour to two to go to sleep...anything less than that is considered going to sleep "when my head hit the pillow." For as long as I can remember this has been my sleep pattern. When I was younger, up to a few years ago, the reason I couldn't go to sleep was because of fear. When I go to lay my head on my pillow it triggers my mind to travel at warp speed. Because I am not busy (like I am during the day) the enemy used to use this to put fears into my mind and "attack" me,,,, now this is still the case, sometimes, but it was worse when I was younger. Over the years I have figured out ways to help me go to sleep faster, and calmer. At first I could read before bed, which made me sleepy but now, due to me being addicted to reading, it does the opposite and keeps me awake. A lot of times I sing, especially if I feel attacked or overwhelmed. I will either sing in my head, a whisper, or full voice, and I usually sing Jesus Loves Me; it is simple and to the point. I sometimes just say the name of Jesus either in my head or out loud, pray, think of the cross, Jesus sitting on the throne, etc. These techniques usually work but not always, or it may take longer than usual. There are few reasons for this... If I am stressed, excited, overwhelmed, or I just can;t sleep, my mind will run, and sometimes it is because the LORD is trying to talk to me (sometimes this takes me longer realize). This was the case two nights ago.
I was laying in my bed, deperately wanting to go to sleep (me not sleeping isnt because I dont want too, I DO WANT to but I just cant) and my mind was not letting me. I went through and sang, I said the name of Jesus over and over, and nothing was coming my mind. Finally i just quit. I rolled to my back and just looked at the ceiling and took some deep breaths (which is something else I do often) and just was still... this is when the LORD spoke a word that made me freeze. I heard my Jesus say, "stop following and surrender." These words stopped me and made me think... what does that mean? I dont understand. Then it hit me. There is a big difference between following Jesus, and surrendering to Jesus. Yes, we are called to follow Jesus but that will only get us so far... point "B" if you well.... well there is so much more out there then just point "B," this is where surrendering comes into play. When you follow Jesus, and surrender to him, He will take you to points you never knew existed or that you could reach. He will overwhelm with your beauty and might, and pour out on you an overwhelming portion of His Spirit. Now, just because all of these great things happen that doesnt mean it is easy.... its the opposite. Though it is sweet its also difficult sometimes. When we surrender to Jesus, and when I say surrender I mean everthing, your life, your relationships, your schooling, your finances, your soul, body, mind and spirit, everything, the LORD will take you deeper into him, and when He provides your needs, and wants, you will be amazed and overwhelmed in a more sweeter way.
The LORD also gave me a story in the Bible of this. In Mark 10 we come across the story of the rich young ruler. The man did all the Father asked, he followed Christ: he obeyed the commandements, and wanted to live a life for the LORD, but when Jesus told him to surrender and give all he had to the poor, sell everthing, AND follow him the man became sad because he was very rich and didnt want to give up his earthly riches for far sweeter and better the LORD had for him in heaven, on earth, and in the spirit. He couldnt see past the hurdle. He couldnt make that leap from following to surrendering.
I can be a huge worrier, I can dwell on what I dont have instead of what I do have, thanks to Jesus. I can become caught up in this and that, and be uncontented (is that even a word?). All of this keeps me from making that jump from just following to complete surrender. I want to surrender. I want to cast my cares upon Him, and have the faith of a mustard seed. I want to always do the will of my LORD and hear and obey his callings and teachings. I want to surrender myself, my flesh, and spend my life at His feet, I want to rely on Him, and Him alone. I want to have a heart of surrender. I want to walk in lifestyle that surrenders to the Father, my Daddy. (Now I know that doesnt make sense really, and possibly not accurate grammar or wording but it is how I feel, and gets the point across).
I know the LORD has me in the crook of His arm, guiding me, protecting me, leading me, preparing me, teaching me, taking me to new places deeper and higher in his heart and spirit. I know that I am covered in His grace, and His hand is upon my life, my heart, and if it wasnt there I would be, in all other terms, jacked up, and I am so glad, thankful, and blessed that I am not. I love my Jesus, I am overwhelmed by His love, and I do NOT want that to change.
LORD, help me surrender all of me to your will and plan for my life. Continue to speak, show, and teach me things. Overwhelm me Jesus with your Spirit, Your power, Your love. Overwhelm me.
I love you Daddy!
IN THE NAME OF JESUS
Amen!
