Follow vs. Surrender

So it has been a while since I last posted and lots have happened. 
1. School is out for summer, which is a wonderful feeling! (I needed a good break!)
2, The LORD  has been showing and teaching me a lot!

Okay, so maybe not a lot has happened but it sure has felt that way.  I guess I'm thinking back to when I was in school and dealing with exams, which i can happily say I passed them all and raised my gpa a bit, which is always nice! 

I cannot remember off the top of my head all the LORD has taught me, and shown me BUT I know he has because that is just how my Jesus is, and I remember, just not the details (I know, doesnt make sense but still...) 

Okay, so what the LORD has taught me recently....

I am a person that has a hard time going to sleep.  It doesn't matter if I go to sleep at a decent hour or if it is sometime in the early am, it takes me at least a good hour to two to go to sleep...anything less than that is considered going to sleep "when my head hit the pillow."  For as long as I can remember this has been my sleep pattern.  When I was younger, up to a few years ago, the reason I couldn't go to sleep was because of fear.  When I go to lay my head on my pillow it triggers my mind to travel at warp speed.  Because I am not busy (like I am during the day) the enemy used to use this to put fears into my mind and "attack" me,,,, now this is still the case, sometimes, but it was worse when I was younger.  Over the years I have figured out ways to help me go to sleep faster, and calmer.  At first I could read before bed, which made me sleepy but now, due to me being addicted to reading, it does the opposite and keeps me awake.  A lot of times I sing, especially if I feel attacked or overwhelmed. I will either sing in my head, a whisper, or full voice, and I usually sing Jesus Loves Me; it is simple and to the point.  I sometimes just say the name of Jesus either in my head or out loud, pray, think of the cross, Jesus sitting on the throne, etc.  These techniques usually work but not always, or it may take longer than usual.  There are few reasons for this... If I am stressed, excited, overwhelmed, or I just can;t sleep, my mind will run, and sometimes it is because the LORD is trying to talk to me (sometimes this takes me longer realize).  This was the case two nights ago.

I was laying in my bed, deperately wanting to go to sleep (me not sleeping isnt because I dont want too, I DO WANT to but I just cant) and my mind was not letting me.  I went through and sang, I said the name of Jesus over and over, and nothing was coming my mind.  Finally i just quit.  I rolled to my back and just looked at the ceiling and took some deep breaths (which is something else I do often) and just was still... this is when the LORD spoke a word that made me freeze.  I heard my Jesus say, "stop following and surrender."  These words stopped me and made me think... what does that mean? I dont understand. Then it hit me.  There is a big difference between following Jesus, and surrendering to Jesus.  Yes, we are called to follow Jesus but that will only get us so far... point "B" if you well.... well there is so much more out there then just point "B," this is where surrendering comes into play.  When you follow Jesus, and surrender to him, He will take you to points you never knew existed or that you could reach.  He will overwhelm with your beauty and might, and pour out on you an overwhelming portion of His Spirit.  Now, just because all of these great things happen that doesnt mean it is easy.... its the opposite.  Though it is sweet its also difficult sometimes.  When we surrender to Jesus, and when I say surrender I mean everthing, your life, your relationships, your schooling, your finances, your soul, body, mind and spirit, everything, the LORD will take you deeper into him, and when He provides your needs, and wants, you will be amazed and overwhelmed in a more sweeter way. 
The LORD also gave me a story in the Bible of this.  In Mark 10 we come across the story of the rich young ruler.  The man did all the Father asked, he followed Christ: he obeyed the commandements, and wanted to live a life for the LORD, but when Jesus told him to surrender and give all he had to the poor, sell everthing, AND follow him the man became sad because he was very rich and didnt want to give up his earthly riches for far sweeter and better the LORD had for him in heaven, on earth, and in the spirit.  He couldnt see past the hurdle. He couldnt make that leap from following to surrendering. 

I can be a huge worrier, I can dwell on what I dont have instead of what I do have, thanks to Jesus.  I can become caught up in this and that, and be uncontented (is that even a word?).  All of this keeps me from making that jump from just following to complete surrender. I want to surrender. I want to cast my cares upon Him, and have the faith of a mustard seed.  I want to always do the will of my LORD and hear and obey his callings and teachings.  I want to surrender myself, my flesh, and spend my life at His feet,  I want to rely on Him, and Him alone.  I want to have a heart of surrender.  I want to walk in lifestyle that surrenders to the Father, my Daddy.  (Now I know that doesnt make sense really, and possibly not accurate grammar or wording but it is how I feel, and gets the point across). 

I know the LORD has me in the crook of His arm, guiding me, protecting me, leading me, preparing me, teaching me, taking me to new places deeper and higher in his heart and spirit.  I know that I am covered in His grace, and His hand is upon my life, my heart, and if it wasnt there I would be, in all other terms, jacked up, and I am so glad, thankful, and blessed that I am not.  I love my Jesus,  I am overwhelmed by His love, and I do NOT want that to change. 

LORD, help me surrender all of me to your will and plan for my life.  Continue to speak, show, and teach me things.  Overwhelm me Jesus with your Spirit, Your power, Your love.  Overwhelm me. 
I love you Daddy! 
IN THE NAME OF JESUS
Amen!

My desire...

Well I am busy doing school work (well maybe not that busy since I am writing this) and listening to music on my itunes. While working on my paper, Cory Russell teaching came out of my speakers, and he was talking about in Revelation the four living creatures before Gods thrown. He was talking about how we as people get tired of things after a while... (songs, stories, food, places....people?) and how the living creatures never got tired. They never got tired of being at the LORDs feet, singing, and just worshiping the Almighty God. While he was talking it hit me....

Revelation 4:8
"Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all
around, even under his wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy,
holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come."

We sometimes get tired of singing to God.... in the sense that we DO NOT like singing the same song for a week straight, or a day, not even a couple hours... BUT my desire is to never grow tired of singing the same song.... never grow tired of praising my Father... I want to be like the four living creatures....always before my Father proclaiming that He is HOLY, and that He is ALWAYS with me...never changing..... When I think back I want to see my Father, when I think of now I want to see my Father, and when I think of my future I want to see my Father....

I want to spend all my days before my FATHER praising his HOLY NAME!!! I want to walk in His Spirit, and always know that I am not alone.... that my Daddy is always with me...

I desire for my life to be pleasing to my Father, that I will worship Him in all I do, say, think, sing, write, etc.....

HOLY HOLY HOLY IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY WHO WAS, WHO IS, AND WHO IS TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sweet.

Off topic: but I just watched the creepiest commercial...a little man came out of a closet in footie pajamas, and sprinkled some fancy fairy dust over a grown man asleep and then went back into the closet. The closing off the comercial is the midget dude back in the closet, with the camera zoomed in on his smiling face, and the door closet door closing. Umm that is just creepy to me. I mean who wants a small mean coming out of your closet and sprinkle fairy dust on you? Not me!!

With that out of the way....

School is going pretty well... It isnt a bad semester, or at least not yet. I only have one class that I would say is the hardest, and one class that just has a lot of busy work that is pointless, but besides that all is good when it comes to school!

My prayer group has been great as always! Last night (we met on a tuesday this week instead of wednesday) was wonderful! I have been praying about what is next after school, even though I do have a year left, I still was just wanting some direction, and I believe the LORD has given it. It is something that I can do now through prayer, but I believe that after graduating in 2013 it will lead into my career. I am not sure if I can share what I believe the LORD has revealed to me yet, but I will share eventually!

Prayer Requests: I feel more and more strongly the LORD leading me to be a witness to a couple girls more in depth, and closely by just being their friend and a light for the Truth! So please pray that the LORD will use me and help me in this. Also that he will give me the words to say if the LORD leads to conversation. Also that I will continue to grow and become the woman that God has called me to be, that I will walk in his boldness, power, and love!



P.S. I looooooooooove old movies....like the one on tv right now!

Its been a while...

So it has been a little while since I wrote a new post, so there is a lot to catch up on.... Ill give the short version (hopefully) that has all the main and important parts!

So I am in the spring sememster of my "senior" year....but Im not actually graduating this year which is a bummer but what can you do? One more year want make or break me. I meet with my prayer partners on every Wednesday (I dont know If I wrote about that before).... and each meeting gets better and better. We are trying to decide where we will be meeting this semester since we are meeting in a bedroom which is the size of a closet...three people feel scrunched. We are just waiting and praying.
Classes so far are going well, not stressed or going out of my mind yet, but ask me in a month or so and my answer might be different... I hope it wont, but I dont think there is any way around it.

On Mondays I go to a meeting on campus led by a church in wilson called New Beginnings! This past Monday was such an amazing meeting, the pastor didnt even get to his notes, we just worshiped! OOOh it was so good. I honestly believe that this semester is a semester of change here at Barton. Something is happening, and will continue to happen. I believe it with all I am! I completely feel that that is what the LORD is showing me: that Barton is going to be set a flame, and that spark will be lit this semester!

The LORD is so good. He is so sweet! His love overwhelms me, and I never want that feeling to go away!

Since its early in the semester there really isnt much to report on except: I passed all my classes for fall semester!

Love to all!
John 3:16: this verse blows me away everytime!