Follow vs. Surrender

So it has been a while since I last posted and lots have happened. 
1. School is out for summer, which is a wonderful feeling! (I needed a good break!)
2, The LORD  has been showing and teaching me a lot!

Okay, so maybe not a lot has happened but it sure has felt that way.  I guess I'm thinking back to when I was in school and dealing with exams, which i can happily say I passed them all and raised my gpa a bit, which is always nice! 

I cannot remember off the top of my head all the LORD has taught me, and shown me BUT I know he has because that is just how my Jesus is, and I remember, just not the details (I know, doesnt make sense but still...) 

Okay, so what the LORD has taught me recently....

I am a person that has a hard time going to sleep.  It doesn't matter if I go to sleep at a decent hour or if it is sometime in the early am, it takes me at least a good hour to two to go to sleep...anything less than that is considered going to sleep "when my head hit the pillow."  For as long as I can remember this has been my sleep pattern.  When I was younger, up to a few years ago, the reason I couldn't go to sleep was because of fear.  When I go to lay my head on my pillow it triggers my mind to travel at warp speed.  Because I am not busy (like I am during the day) the enemy used to use this to put fears into my mind and "attack" me,,,, now this is still the case, sometimes, but it was worse when I was younger.  Over the years I have figured out ways to help me go to sleep faster, and calmer.  At first I could read before bed, which made me sleepy but now, due to me being addicted to reading, it does the opposite and keeps me awake.  A lot of times I sing, especially if I feel attacked or overwhelmed. I will either sing in my head, a whisper, or full voice, and I usually sing Jesus Loves Me; it is simple and to the point.  I sometimes just say the name of Jesus either in my head or out loud, pray, think of the cross, Jesus sitting on the throne, etc.  These techniques usually work but not always, or it may take longer than usual.  There are few reasons for this... If I am stressed, excited, overwhelmed, or I just can;t sleep, my mind will run, and sometimes it is because the LORD is trying to talk to me (sometimes this takes me longer realize).  This was the case two nights ago.

I was laying in my bed, deperately wanting to go to sleep (me not sleeping isnt because I dont want too, I DO WANT to but I just cant) and my mind was not letting me.  I went through and sang, I said the name of Jesus over and over, and nothing was coming my mind.  Finally i just quit.  I rolled to my back and just looked at the ceiling and took some deep breaths (which is something else I do often) and just was still... this is when the LORD spoke a word that made me freeze.  I heard my Jesus say, "stop following and surrender."  These words stopped me and made me think... what does that mean? I dont understand. Then it hit me.  There is a big difference between following Jesus, and surrendering to Jesus.  Yes, we are called to follow Jesus but that will only get us so far... point "B" if you well.... well there is so much more out there then just point "B," this is where surrendering comes into play.  When you follow Jesus, and surrender to him, He will take you to points you never knew existed or that you could reach.  He will overwhelm with your beauty and might, and pour out on you an overwhelming portion of His Spirit.  Now, just because all of these great things happen that doesnt mean it is easy.... its the opposite.  Though it is sweet its also difficult sometimes.  When we surrender to Jesus, and when I say surrender I mean everthing, your life, your relationships, your schooling, your finances, your soul, body, mind and spirit, everything, the LORD will take you deeper into him, and when He provides your needs, and wants, you will be amazed and overwhelmed in a more sweeter way. 
The LORD also gave me a story in the Bible of this.  In Mark 10 we come across the story of the rich young ruler.  The man did all the Father asked, he followed Christ: he obeyed the commandements, and wanted to live a life for the LORD, but when Jesus told him to surrender and give all he had to the poor, sell everthing, AND follow him the man became sad because he was very rich and didnt want to give up his earthly riches for far sweeter and better the LORD had for him in heaven, on earth, and in the spirit.  He couldnt see past the hurdle. He couldnt make that leap from following to surrendering. 

I can be a huge worrier, I can dwell on what I dont have instead of what I do have, thanks to Jesus.  I can become caught up in this and that, and be uncontented (is that even a word?).  All of this keeps me from making that jump from just following to complete surrender. I want to surrender. I want to cast my cares upon Him, and have the faith of a mustard seed.  I want to always do the will of my LORD and hear and obey his callings and teachings.  I want to surrender myself, my flesh, and spend my life at His feet,  I want to rely on Him, and Him alone.  I want to have a heart of surrender.  I want to walk in lifestyle that surrenders to the Father, my Daddy.  (Now I know that doesnt make sense really, and possibly not accurate grammar or wording but it is how I feel, and gets the point across). 

I know the LORD has me in the crook of His arm, guiding me, protecting me, leading me, preparing me, teaching me, taking me to new places deeper and higher in his heart and spirit.  I know that I am covered in His grace, and His hand is upon my life, my heart, and if it wasnt there I would be, in all other terms, jacked up, and I am so glad, thankful, and blessed that I am not.  I love my Jesus,  I am overwhelmed by His love, and I do NOT want that to change. 

LORD, help me surrender all of me to your will and plan for my life.  Continue to speak, show, and teach me things.  Overwhelm me Jesus with your Spirit, Your power, Your love.  Overwhelm me. 
I love you Daddy! 
IN THE NAME OF JESUS
Amen!

My desire...

Well I am busy doing school work (well maybe not that busy since I am writing this) and listening to music on my itunes. While working on my paper, Cory Russell teaching came out of my speakers, and he was talking about in Revelation the four living creatures before Gods thrown. He was talking about how we as people get tired of things after a while... (songs, stories, food, places....people?) and how the living creatures never got tired. They never got tired of being at the LORDs feet, singing, and just worshiping the Almighty God. While he was talking it hit me....

Revelation 4:8
"Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all
around, even under his wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy,
holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come."

We sometimes get tired of singing to God.... in the sense that we DO NOT like singing the same song for a week straight, or a day, not even a couple hours... BUT my desire is to never grow tired of singing the same song.... never grow tired of praising my Father... I want to be like the four living creatures....always before my Father proclaiming that He is HOLY, and that He is ALWAYS with me...never changing..... When I think back I want to see my Father, when I think of now I want to see my Father, and when I think of my future I want to see my Father....

I want to spend all my days before my FATHER praising his HOLY NAME!!! I want to walk in His Spirit, and always know that I am not alone.... that my Daddy is always with me...

I desire for my life to be pleasing to my Father, that I will worship Him in all I do, say, think, sing, write, etc.....

HOLY HOLY HOLY IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY WHO WAS, WHO IS, AND WHO IS TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sweet.

Off topic: but I just watched the creepiest commercial...a little man came out of a closet in footie pajamas, and sprinkled some fancy fairy dust over a grown man asleep and then went back into the closet. The closing off the comercial is the midget dude back in the closet, with the camera zoomed in on his smiling face, and the door closet door closing. Umm that is just creepy to me. I mean who wants a small mean coming out of your closet and sprinkle fairy dust on you? Not me!!

With that out of the way....

School is going pretty well... It isnt a bad semester, or at least not yet. I only have one class that I would say is the hardest, and one class that just has a lot of busy work that is pointless, but besides that all is good when it comes to school!

My prayer group has been great as always! Last night (we met on a tuesday this week instead of wednesday) was wonderful! I have been praying about what is next after school, even though I do have a year left, I still was just wanting some direction, and I believe the LORD has given it. It is something that I can do now through prayer, but I believe that after graduating in 2013 it will lead into my career. I am not sure if I can share what I believe the LORD has revealed to me yet, but I will share eventually!

Prayer Requests: I feel more and more strongly the LORD leading me to be a witness to a couple girls more in depth, and closely by just being their friend and a light for the Truth! So please pray that the LORD will use me and help me in this. Also that he will give me the words to say if the LORD leads to conversation. Also that I will continue to grow and become the woman that God has called me to be, that I will walk in his boldness, power, and love!



P.S. I looooooooooove old movies....like the one on tv right now!

Its been a while...

So it has been a little while since I wrote a new post, so there is a lot to catch up on.... Ill give the short version (hopefully) that has all the main and important parts!

So I am in the spring sememster of my "senior" year....but Im not actually graduating this year which is a bummer but what can you do? One more year want make or break me. I meet with my prayer partners on every Wednesday (I dont know If I wrote about that before).... and each meeting gets better and better. We are trying to decide where we will be meeting this semester since we are meeting in a bedroom which is the size of a closet...three people feel scrunched. We are just waiting and praying.
Classes so far are going well, not stressed or going out of my mind yet, but ask me in a month or so and my answer might be different... I hope it wont, but I dont think there is any way around it.

On Mondays I go to a meeting on campus led by a church in wilson called New Beginnings! This past Monday was such an amazing meeting, the pastor didnt even get to his notes, we just worshiped! OOOh it was so good. I honestly believe that this semester is a semester of change here at Barton. Something is happening, and will continue to happen. I believe it with all I am! I completely feel that that is what the LORD is showing me: that Barton is going to be set a flame, and that spark will be lit this semester!

The LORD is so good. He is so sweet! His love overwhelms me, and I never want that feeling to go away!

Since its early in the semester there really isnt much to report on except: I passed all my classes for fall semester!

Love to all!
John 3:16: this verse blows me away everytime!

Change

So whats new? Well to be honest probably a lot!
The LORD has been doing amazing things this semester! First off, every Wednesday I meet with my suitemate next door, Dimetra and our friend Jasmine. Today being Wednesday we had our weekly meeting... Now, I LOVE these girls... they are an answer to prayer just like our meetings. No Wednesdays are the same.. The first one that I went to the power of Jesus was there and I spoke and prophesied over them (which is a true first for me)... Another Wednesday we just really sat there and prayed which was nice, another Dimetra and I just met and we just prayed for each other and spoke over each other.... This one we just talked, and answered two questions... 1. What do you think God has planned for you? and 2. What two things do you want to ask God for? We had some prayer, sang some songs....and just hung out.
The second thing the LORD has been doing is given me an organization on campus that I love. We meet every Monday night and it is held by a local church called New Beginnings. I went to their church freshman year once... They are pretty awesome. The music is great, and the messages are pretty awesome too. Its just great and I love it.
Thirdly, my academics. My parents know this, but I am so ready to be done with school... Im tired, worn out, and just ready to be done. I have a year and a half left.... ughhh. But I know it will flyyyyyyy by. Since I am so ready to be done I probably have become an even bigger procrastinator...which is not good. Even though I sometimes wait, more often than not, I still want to do my best and make good grades. Since I am a fourth year my classes are pretty much method classes which means they are classes where you learn how to teach which is very important to know....the problem is there is no more small assignments for the most part but a couple BIG projects that count for a big percentage of my grade and with these classes I have to have higher than a C- (not that I wouldnt strive for that, or want that...its just knowing that I have to have it adds more pressure somehow). So I get worried sometimes that I want get the grades that I need to pass...well just to let you know JESUS has been taking care of that. One of my teachers is very hard, I mean he is just hard, he just makes things hard...I dont know how to explain it but he does.... His classes are the two that worried me most....not just for the content that is being teached but also just him being the teacher. God has completely rocked my world when it has come to my grades. Last semester this teacher gave me a huge compliment (I take it as a huge compliment maybe because he just said it)... We had to present a reading lesson and after mine he told me that I had a teaching ability, that he didnt truly see it until then, or no he said he didnt know that I had that teacher in me (or something like that). That was huge. This semester I had to teach on how to teach first words to students who are deaf and hard of hearing and he told me afterwards that I had a natural teaching ability, and I feel like he said wow before that statement but I cant quite remember. Again that was a huge compliment to me... I ended uop with an A on that presentation and that is just one example. I have a huge paper due to DPI and I have to have at least an 80 on it, and when I turned in the rough draft I thought it was going to be horrible and I was basically going to have to start over... NOPE! I got a 74 which means I am only 6points away from the grade that I NEED!! WHOOP WHOOP!

I probably could go on, and on, and on but my wrist is getting tired...haha.
I am so happy with what the Lord has been doing, and so glad that I recognize that it is Him!
im still ready to be done with school, but I know that the LORD knows that and will get me to my graduation day on Mothers Day 2013!

PRAYER REQUEST:
That I will be content and happy in the NOW!
That I will get out of my comfort zone- which is a big problem of mine. It sort of scares me.


OOOOH and Lyndsey.... I dont know if you can tell from this but what you told me in the car that day on the way to Allysons baby shower is happening. (You know when we stopped at the Mebane outlets waiting on our families to get out of church :]) LOVE YOU!

1st year senior..

So a new year has arrived. Now I know this post is late since I have technically been in school since August but well I havent had a computer, and school has already become busy and taking up most my time..
My classes are pretty good, cant really complain or I should say, I shouldnt complain but sometimes I do. There are two classes in particular that make me crazy but I dont plan to go to the looney bin any time soon so instead I just try to breathe. :) I dont have any observing hours at schools this semester which is a nice relief but instead I have to go work one-on-one with a student and test them in math based on their level (special education) and write something about it...im not to sure of the project, thats pretty much all I know...whch means I probably need to look at the assignment.. I have a HUGE paper due for one of my deaf ed classes (this is one class that might make me crazy) that will be sent to DPI...that makes me nervous. Im not real sure what Im writing on yet, which is another problem because my outline is due next week...eeeep. I have another paper due in another deaf ed class, but that one doesnt bother me, and I enjoy that class so it shouldnt be a problem. I have also decided that English is not for me, thanks to my language and linguistics class (deaf ed course) so I have decided Im just going to sign in ASL...its a lot easier. ;)

On to different news: My suitemate is pretty awesome.
The woman that has the private room next to mine is precious, L.O.V.E.S. Jesus... I think that just says it all. Well I was in her room one night and we were talking... Im not sure how it came up but it did, and she called me out (in a good way). She told me that I hide. Im working on that and I dont think I do as much... but yeah. This got me thinking... which isnt always a good thing pahaha (I got myself tickled).
In the Bible you dont read stories of people hiding and making a difference. The only story that I can think of where someone tried to hide was Jonah, and we all know what happened to him, he got swallowed by BIG fish which isnt really what we should strive for as believers. No Thank You! Instead, we read stories of people who went out, who put themselves in danger, people who walked in the POWER of the living GOD, and didnt care what people thought as long as JESUS was being praised and shared. You cant really share Jesus with people, or make a difference, or do anything when you are in the belly of a fish....

Now I could completely be looking at the passage wrong, but I think even if I did, the LORD used that as a way to open my eyes to what I am I mean, what I was doing, and since my mind works in mysterious, weird ways, it worked.

I found a christian group on campus that I think is perfect for me... and I am so thankful for my suitemate, and I cant wait to see what will happen.

PRAYER REQUEST: That I wont hide. That I want be afraid to go out. I think there is a difference in hiding or being alone in my room and going out and being "alone." In the sense that nobody can see me in my room, but If im out and standing firm in my Jesus, and people seeing that... I think that is better.

Summer Nights are closing in!

Like I have stated before I love movies and music and a lot of times when people say something one of the two things or both will pop into my head which deal with whatever is being talked about or what I am thinking about (and that can be a whole bunch of everything).
Well I should be in bed, but I am not... Instead I am listening to music and browsing the web and the sont Summer Nights by Rascal Flatts came on which is one of my favorites and one song that gets me EXTREMELY excited about summer which starting Wednesday the 27th will be a exactly a month away and OH I CANT WAIT!

It has been no secret that this semester has been a tough one in many ways. It was my first semester back since taking the fall off even though it seems like I never took a semester off. It also has been packed full of classes, seven to be exact which all are critical for my education major because I have been learning about writing lesson plans, how to teach students who are deaf and hard of hearing to read, learning how to assess students whether formal or informal, and so on. Not only are the classes about important information, they also have TONS of work that is just too much for even the Queen of England to do. (I have become kind of obsessed with the Royal family, and I have watched many episodes about them on TLC during this Royal Wedding Week).

Something that has always amazed me is the teachers brain lock...for some reason they dont understand that this isn't the only class we are in, but are in many others with just the same amount of work.... I mean I have ONE month left yet I have work due that should take me about two months to complete....hmm that might be a problem...

On top of that my Praxis scores werent passing 15 points to be exact..ugghhh so close but yet so far away... Because of this I have to do ten hours of practice tests in the three different areas during the summer and then retake the Praxis so that I can be admitted into the School of Education. That of course is going to be tons of fun... "hey britt you want to go somewhere?"..."I cant, I have to do practice tests." Yep sounds like an exciting summer to me!
Of course Im exagerating...I will not let that ruin my summer, and it want....its not that big of deal...to be quite honest Im sort of in a complaing mood (If you couldnt already tell) at least I know it and not trying to hide it :)
BUT SERIOUSLY ON A GREAT NOTE...

Easter was on Sunday and it was a beautiful day! I would have to say I follow in my Grandma's footsteps because Easter is one of my favorite holidays, right next to Christmas!
Saturday of course was the annual Simpson family Easter egg hunt, but this year we also went hiking in the morning and then lunch, and then the Easter egg hunt plus a game of egg toss, hit the egg and see it splatter, and kickball.... I slept good Saturday night trust me!

Ever since Romania everything that the LORD has taught me, and shown me contains something dealing with love, His love for me, for His people, love I have for others... it blows me away. Recently when doing my devotional I got blown away, and of course it contained something about Love. Ive been doing the Chasing the Lion study by Mark Battersonwhich is amazing... Iven done one of his studies before and it was just as amazing. This study talks about Benaiah, a brave man who fought a Lion and WON! Throughtout the study you learn that of course Benaiah has to be afraid, I mean its a lion for petes sake, there had to be a little bit of shaky hands, but he didnt let that stop him... Instead of running he chose to RUN TOWARDS the lion and with that victory over the animal. AMAZING! Thats what we as believers, and Christ followers must do, run towards the enemy not away from it, and in the end the LORD will see that and bless us with a victory. As long as we follow God and do His will, we will never fail. Whom shall we fear? What can we not do? That would be nothing and anything!

When reading Mark was talking about forgiving and forgetting and there were two lines that completely blew me away.
"God has forgiven and forgotten"
"We cant forgive ourselves for our sins because we cant forget."
Since this was around Easter thats what immediatelty came to mind. Our Jesus suffered through betrayal, beatings, and death for us, and he rose again for us...so that we might spend ETERNITY with Him.... WHOAH! Even though the LORD suffered through all this he had forgiveness in His heart, he plainly states that when He says, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they are doing." (Luke 23:34). Now Im just saying, I dont think I could do that, and thank goodness it wasnt me but JESUS! Through everything he asked His Father to forgive them even after everything they did to Him...WHOAH! Thats just one example, while hanging on the cross he told the thief next to him that he would be in Heaven with Him that day. He forgave a thief. Now for some reason we cant do the same thing. We repent and ask Jesus to forgive us, and He does and then bam its gone....vanished, yet we keep it with us. To me this belittles God and is sort of a smack in the face because its like we are saying how could Jesus forgive us and forget it, thats just crazy. Ummmm who are we to question the LORDs ways? Now Im not saying I am a pro at this, because I do it too but I am trying not too.... Jesus did it freely, He died willingly and forgives and forgets willingly, we should be jumping for joy. We have no blemish with repentance. THANK YOU JESUS!

Prayer Request:
Please pray for me and my classes, and that all my hair want fall out! (just kidding of course, i dont think it is).

"May the good LORD take a liken to ya!" -Pawpaw